novel entry one

what do you mean what's new?


chp 1

In the event of my father's suicide, I'm obligated to do many things: funeral arrangements, tidying up, loving mom more than usual, taking over the business and finding a home for Oscar my dad's bulldog (my mother hates dogs). It was all over the papers: Newspaper Tychoon Swan Dives from the 28th floor. However, it is my belief that he did not dive off of the 28th story like a swan as they said.
He couldn't have. He was not a good swimmer and he made belly flops when he dove into the water. He didn't write those words on paper: what do you mean what's new? enough is enough. He couldn't have. In all my life, I have never known my father to use a pen and paper. As a child, he would send me commands via text message. Juan dinner's ready. Juan have a good day in school. Juan its 1 am where are you? etc.

It is my belief that my father was conveniently murdered on my fifteenth birthday.

little love, big love

You make me smile now
now blank canvas
filled with light
fill me like the sun

...

little love, big love

big love listens
as little love speaks
"I thought of your smile today"
"Oh,really" Big love speaks
echoing like a large voice in small cave
"when?"
"Oh when I was stuck in traffic
when the billboard reminded me of you. when the woman
selling cigarettes on the street reminded me of the time you
said
"you really like your vices don't you?"
or when that song came on
about paying for love
how does that line go?
oh yes... 'I'll pay for you anytime'
That guy's voice is catchy."

Big love grows tired of listening
little love stops talking
"Can I kiss you now?"
They are really talking now

notes for kerry 2008

When you are present the world is truly alive
something that I found that I love:

this moment there is funk music
It's here in the present like I am... I would listen but I would rather hear. hearing seems to be a little more honest and real.

what's real anyway?

I asked this question in philosophy class and got the history in non-linear format from Hegel to Spinoza
Aristotle
Woody Allen

....
I am no longer interested in past truths just present
drink
diet coke