modern lovers: "Pablo's feeling better now"

"Pablo's feeling better now"

and I kinda feel like shit.

I have to edit, edit, edit.

(this is andy warhol and its take one, take one)

I had a dream last night.

I was sipping tea with andy warhol

we're sitting on Pollack's

back. It was hairy and decorated

with squiggly lines. The lines

moved and changed.

they turned into graffiti

the graffiti read like song lyrics.

to edit, BOWIE:

(what did I say)Whole, its whole as in wholes(andy warhol)

Like to take a cement fixBe a standing cinema Dress my friends up just for show See them as they really are Put a peephole in my brain Two new pence to have a go. I'd like to be a gallery Put you all inside my show

Andy warhol looks a screamHang him on my wall

(what did he say) alright well he was only 5 foot 3but girls could not resist to stare

pablo picasso never got called an asshole

not in new york

I feel like

I like Pollack
Please listen with me,
1. Sunset Beach- The Teenagers
2. Are You Ten Years Ago- Tegan and Sara
3. Little Red Corvette- Prince
4. Last Christmas - Wham!
5. Pile of Gold - The Blow
6. Hope- Descendents
7. Space Oddity - Bowie (baby!)
8. Dancing With Myself- IDOL (worhip? yes)
9. chillout tent - the hold steady


Lyrics I like:

Boys we love you
Some of us don’t
But plenty of us do
You should treat us good
You do that and you know
We’re gunna-uh-uh huh
Share more of our goods with you

All the girls are sitting on a pile of gold
All the girls—
And the boys you know they want—they want it
All the girls are sitting on a pile of gold
All the girls—
And the boys you know they want it, they want it

They want it. They want it
It’s economic
Beneath the warmth that we export
Of course some boys will try to push the prices down
By pushing girls around
I’ve seen some do this
Learned to see through this
They get scared
So scared maybe we’ll refuse to share with them
A gentle mass attack..... Exodus
Tell them
I know the truth that if you could
Learn to save enough to make some trade with me

oh and this:
I'm taken, I am yours I'm up and doing circles
I collapse
I might stay out longer than I left the light on for you
Then if you show, you show
If you show, you show
When I feel like this
When I get so in
To myself
I lose track of where I'm going and lose track of how to get going again
I feel myself slowing down
Feel myself turning around
Is this taken?
When I feel like this
When I get so sick of myself
Where are you going now without me
And not knowing then, that we're slowing down
You've gotta turn that around
And tell me that I'm taken,
Tell me if I'm yours
You collapse
The pressure of this life is so
You can't be held accountable
If you go, you go
If you go, you go
When you act like this
When you get so sick, of yourself
The whole world falls away and since
I feel
Like I have only missed the feeling that I'm here again
The feeling that I'm clear again
I'm not taken
When you act like this
When you get so in
To yourself I lose sight of common goals
And letting go so I can be all alone
Feel myself, going slow
Feel myself, letting go
Not taken,
Not feeling like I'm yours
I'm taken, I am yours

and this!
There was a stage and a piet up in western massachuttes,
And the kids came from miles around to get messed up on the music.
And she drove down from Boden with a carload of girlfriends,
To meet some boys and maybe eat some mushrooms
And they did and she got sick
And now she's pinned and way too shaky.
She don't wanna tell the doctor everything she's taken
The paramedics hovered over her like a somber mourning family
They gave her activating charcoal, they flooded her with saline

Her:
"I got really hot and then I came to in the chillout tent,
They gave me oranges and cigarettes."

He was rough around the edges:
He'd been to school, but never finished,
He'd been to jail, but never prison.
It was his first day off in forever, man
The festival seemed like a pretty good plan,
Cruise some chicks and get a sun-tan.
And his friend gave him four, but said only take one,
But then he got bored and ended up taking all four.
Ah, so now my man ain't that bored anyways,
The paramedics found him: he was shaking on the side of the stage.


Him:
"Everything was spinning and I came to in the chillout tent,
They gave me oranges and cigarettes."
Her:
"I got really hot and then I came to in the chillout tent"
Both:
"They gave us oranges and cigarettes."
She looked just like a baby bird, all new and wet and trying to light a Parliament
He quoted her some poetry, he's Tennyson in denim and sheepskin.
He looked a lot like Izzy Stradlin.
They started kissing when the nurses took off their IVs,
It was kinda sexy, but it was kinda creepy.
Their mouths were fizzy with the cherry cola,
They had the privacy of bedsheets
And all the other kids were mostly in comas.

Her:
"He was kinda cute, we kinda kicked it in the chillout tent,
And I never saw that boy again."
Him:
"She was pretty cool, we kinda kicked in the chillout tent,
And I never saw that girl again."

<<< Now I want some oranges and some cigarettes. <3 's always

80's music when I should be working!!

I was researching the history of the Khmer people and Vietnamese coffee then I took a QUiZ....

Your 80's song is: Every Rose Has Its Thorn by Poison.

hmm, why?

here are the lyrics:

We both lie silently still
In the dead of the night.
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside
Was it somethin' I said or somethin' I did
Did my words not come out right
Tho' I tried not to hurt you
Tho' I tried
But I guess that's why they say

Chorus:
Every rose has it's thron
Just like every night has it's dawn
Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song
Every rose has it's thorn

Yea it does

I listen to your favorite song
Playin' on the radio
Hear the DJ say love's a game of
Easy come and easy go
But I wonder does he know
Has he ever felt like this
And I know you'd be here right now
If I could have let you know somehow
I guess

Chorus

Though it's been awhile now
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you
The wound heals, but the scar, that scar remains

I know I could have saved our love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of makin' love
We both made our separate ways

Now I hear you've found somebody new
And that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife

Chorus

How EMO IS EMO?

haha. okay. I am officially crazy!

advice for 15 year old me

Don’t let anyone tell you that RANDOM CHAOS is not a way to organize your life.

Accept. Move on. Keep loving.

When Pops tells you to “PLEASE PUT THE GOLD FISH IN A BIGGER BOWL” or maybe it was more like “THE GOLD FISH IS TOO BIG FOR THAT BOWL” listen.
Or, the gold fish will end up dead on your bathroom floor. Oh, and yeah, you might step on it with bare feet. You’ll feel its scales in between your toes for months. LEARN TO LISTEN

Time, you have lots more than you think. BREATHE-IN-THEN-OUT

Read more. Think more.


When he asks you to marry him, give him some water, tuck him into bed, and write a poem about it.

ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER.

When that dude asks you on stage because your outfit is so 80’s and tight as “F**k” PLEASE, forget that you think the word “tight” is overly hip and ridiculous and haul a** on stage. GIVE the guy a hug. He’s a hottie for an older dude.

EAT the burger! EAT the fries! Fast food will only kill you if you let it.

Smoking is fine as long as you do it socially and not alone sitting on your patio.
Get up earlier. The mornings are nice. Walk on dew covered grass in bare feet. It’s liberating.
MONEY it’s green. That’s all you should know or should need to know about money.
If it doesn’t all work out, you’ll realize that happiness does not come easy. But then that’s all part of it. Stop being a slave to yourself. Get over it! We’ve got oceans to sail.
Take longer walks through the woods or on the sand where the ocean meets the shore.
Look up at the sky, often. THINK about how the sky and how the stars are always there even during the day when they are just overshadowed by the sun. Also, remember that the sun is the smallest star. It’s lucky because it is the closest to the earth. Sometimes distance matters, but sometimes what’s important has the power to stay with you even when it’s overshadowed by everything else.
FEAR is important and so is failure. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Triumphs happen. Slowly. Welcome, but don’t wait. It’ll happen when it happens. And it will happen. Slowly in the little things.
Smile more. And, in the end, DR PEPPER LIP SMACKER is better than dark red lip stick.
If his friends say he’s bad news, who gives a shit. And please make out with him anyway.
REGRET is not important. IT causes stagnation. You’ll get stuck in the past. You’ll still be floating in the pool, eyes red and chlorine stained.
When you decide to volunteer at the animal shelter, drive your mom’s van. You’ll meet someone special, blonde. You’ll find out later that he likes long walks and cuddling by the fire, while you watch THE NOTEBOOK.
Don’t let anyone tell you that BOWIE sucks. LIFE ON MARS will change your life.
KEEP air guitaring at four in the morning. You’ll miss it when your stop.
Keep listening to 80’s rock and don’t name your hamster ELVIS. Or, else he’ll end up dead with his head slumped over the food dish. Also, don’t over feed him. Processed cheese has more fat than you think.
Your mom’s the best friend you’ll ever have. Admire her. She’s stronger than you’ll ever be. She’s awesome.
And please try to remember, the human heart is the size of a clenched fist. It’s much stronger than you think.

old stuff that reads new? or .... what?

Talk story

she saw him coming
down the stairs

he looked the same.

And,
the grave sat empty
in front of a crowd
of burning candles.
each one watching, melting beads of wax.
Then the beads
became pools.
then they turned in to oceans.
And,
the waves and the ridges, formed next to
islands and mountains. each one watching, melting
next to the fire.

She saw him—shadowy, sheer
evaporating, turning into Nothing
whistling down the stairs.
She felt the same.

And,
the islands and oceans, made way for volcanoes
and little fingers belonging to curious hands.
grabbed and molded the beads.

they turned them into balls, in to wax men.

She saw him by the candles.
He ate them up.

He became different.
then the beads became pools.

Then he turned into oceans.
**********************
too political for publication. or no name.

He died by
JUDICIAL 'L
O
N
g

HANGING’
They made him
JUDICIAL ‘L
O
N
G
DROP’
The shortest drop
about
FOUR FEET
( that’s about one foot
shorter than the dead man
from head to toe)
He
needed
The longest drop
about
TEN FEET
(that’s about five feet
shorter than the dead man
from head to toe)
JUDICIAL ‘L
O
N
G
DROP’
Or
JUDICIAL ‘L
O
N
G
HANGING’
should break the neck
should snap it
in two
or three, or four parts
it doesn’t really matter
as long as the dead man
suffers the

JUDICAL ‘L
O
N
G
DROP’
Or



JUDICAL ‘L
O
N
G
HANGING’
and, the dead man falls
onto the ground
w/ the neck
broken
fragmented into pieces
as long as he’s scattered
like pick-up- sticks
as long as he’s littered on the floor.


He
needed
the longest drop
about
TEN FEET
(that’s about five feet
shorter than the dead man
from head to toe)

and the dead man falls. But,
they must remember
that too long a

JUDICAL ‘L
O
N
G
DROP’

Or

JUDICAL ‘L
O
N
G
HANGING’

leads to decapitation

it doesn’t really matter
as long as the
dead man
suffers

**************************
He says
she won’t reach nirvana.

She started off as a larva,
consuming,
devouring green things, sucking out the chlorophyll,

She didn’t know what she was doing.

It came naturally,
this need to be consuming.

Then, she changed into a tree
She reached and stretched and grew deep
into the earth, creating geometric shapes, with her
roots.

It came naturally
this need to break through things.

He says
I create my spirit

He whispers this,
into his napkin as he watches
her walk down
the stairs.
And he sees her reflection
in the mirror.
Tired, ready, aging
She didn’t know what she was doing.
He reached and stretched
And she pointed her toes as
She walked

Graceful, ready, youthful.

Then, she became new.
She burst into flames, scattered into stars.
He says,
she won’t reach nirvana.
She started off as a bird,
Singing, crying, waiting for the light

She knew what she was doing.

He says
Imagine me, so I can exist
Her reflection in the mirror.
He watched as it scattered into
geometric shapes, circles and spirals.

It came naturally
This need to watch her leave.

**********************
See the poppy seeds
start wars in east
Asian countries
on little islands where
soldiers smoke numbness
through wooden pipes

The smoke funnels
like the roots of a tree, into the air
into the porous skin, into
the tropical rain clouds overhead.

They beat and fluff out nicely.

They see lucid images of
little girls in sari’s floating around a fountain
of red wine and of fingers playing on
guitars weaving through space
at a hundred miles an hour.

They are recorded by
scribes on papyrus
as they sit under the stars on a clear
night where the Junks
are out on the bay. Little lights, strung up on their masts.

See the wind, colliding with the sail.

They swallow wind.
They butcher water.

they smoke numbness
through wooden pipes in east
Asian countries where
there are Neolithic pots decorated
with cowrie shells from some place in
Africa where numbness does not live.

They float around the mud huts.
They jump ditches that protect
their cassava and peanuts.

They see lucid images of
a tumor breaking through skin
Like the head of a cauliflower,
vomiting small amounts of blood on its horizon.

They eat through skin.
They beat and fluff out nicely.

***no drama. fine******

where have you gone joe di-maggio?

I am listening to Simon and Garfunkel and I am working on resumes.

It is going to be another long day.

So, Cher: I want to do something for humanity.
Josh: How about sterilization?

and listen to THE JAM- "That's Entertainment" this will give you an idea of how I am feeling.
ha, god so dramatic and it's not even lunch time.

(ian, hope the shower went well. I've got gifts. Like a baby tee that reads: Pinoy Ako!)

I'll be a TITA in a month.

lyrics for all of you:

A police car and a screaming siren -A pnuematic drill and ripped up concrete -A baby waiting and stray dog howling -The screech of brakes and lamplights blinking -
that's entertainment.
A smash of glass and the rumble of boots -An electric train and a ripped up 'phone booth -Paint splattered walls and the cry of a tomcat -Lights going out and a kick in the balls -
that's entertainment.
Days of speed and slow time Mondays -Pissing down with rain on a boring Wednesday -Watching the news and not eating your tea -A freezing cold flat and damp on the walls -
that's entertainment.
Waking up at 6 a.m. on a cool warm morning -Opening the windows and breathing in petrol -An amateur band rehearsing in a nearby yard -Watching the tele and thinking about your holidays -
that's entertainment.Waking up from bad dreams and smoking cigarettes -Cuddling a warm girl and smelling stale perfume -A hot summers' day and sticky black tarmac -Feeding ducks in the park and wishing you were faraway -

that's entertainment.

Two lovers kissing amongst the scream of midnight -Two lovers missing the tranquility of solitude -Getting a cab and travelling on buses -Reading the graffiti about slashed seat affairs -
that's entertainment.

Okay, I am going to be a "real" person and stuff. I'll let you know if
I get the job. I am all for the advancement of third world countries. CIAO!

"cliche, I know"

I haven't updated in a while

"I know, but the speed of the world was sane up to the point when I fell asleep last night. Beyond that I can't be sure."

A few things:
1. ice skating
2. DURAN DURAN (tonight!)
3. Restaurant etiquette and behavior
4. music. cowbell and drums.
5. writing for wimps

I like the word wimp just like the word automatic but not quite. you put them together and you get automatic-wimp. I wonder what this means. I think about Ryan Adams and cold roses.
and, how much I want to drive down a highway (like really fast). I want to do this without speed limits or whatever. I want to f'n fly. I've said this before but I think I mean it this time.

Right now, I am listening to Ryan Adams' cover of WONDERWALL.

"And, I am sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now ."

peace mofo. yeah, right on!

travel feature

I am working on a travel feature on Cambodia.

This is all I have so far:

Women are not allowed to touch Buddhist Monks in Cambodia.

I found this out the hard way.

Okay, I don't like it. It's a dry opening. But, It's a start. This is usually what happens. I write 12 openings and then end up starting with the middle of the article.

Oi!

I am sick and Ross won't stop listening to AC DC.

I can't get Tnt out of my head.

See me ride out of that sunset
On your color TV screen
Out for all that I can get
If you know what I mean
Women to the left of me
And women to the right
Ain't got no gun
Ain't got no knife
Don't you start no fight
Cause I'm T.N.T
I'm dynamite T.N.T. and I'll win that fight
T.N.T. I'm a power load
T.N.T. watch me explode
I'm dirty, mean and mighty unclean
I'm a wanted man
Public enemy number one
Understand?
So lock up your daughter
Lock up your wife
Lock up your back door
And run for your life
The man is back in town
So don't you mess around
Cause I'mT.N.T.
I'm dynamiteT.N.T.
and I'll win the fightT.N.T.. I'm a power load
T.N.T. watch me explode

what would it feel like to explode?