" Artificial flowers! Petunias, these are, and violets,probably. Weeks pass, and they don't fade. I wait for them to droop as in a natural cycle. But they are stubbornly unalive and therefor unwilting, so they must be plastic, with machine- made blues and yellows and whites. Imagine that:plastic-flower sorrow." - C. Baxter-
Variation, Manipulation
She belongs to
a family with hundreds of
species just like her
they exist as:
flowering trees
magnolias
daisies
they are ornamental.
they manipulate
they know how to
engage, disengage
petals, sepals
reach out their
hungry arms.
They fascinate the eyes.
He belongs to a family with thousands of species
just like him
they breathe the same air
they are:
grasses
palms
lilies
onions
bananas
orchids
His leaves are narrow
and long
His veins run next to each other
in parallel paths
They are two lines that never meet.
They run lengthwise.
Her roots are normally woody.
They absorb the nutrients.
They make the connection.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
cookbook. love.
Today, I had to explain to my Dad that "No, THE FEAST OF LOVE is not a cookbook!" and "No,
I am not in a weird mood. I just don't feel like swimming!"
But, then maybe I am in a weird mood... I haven't been sleeping (like at all lately). There is no real reason for this...
Perhaps, b/c of these pretend conversations I like to have in my head. Most of the "pretend convos" occur in Paris Cafes. Like that Jim Jarmusch film with the coffee and cigarettes and cafes. And, oh so very French Philosophical conversation.
So, take this JARMUSCH! Ha
SLEEPLESSNESS/ the Reasons
"ANXIETY?"
"Perhaps, I am anxious, tangental, and incoherent"
"Commitment Anxiety."
" I am not irresponsible"
"You are not answering the question."
"Yeah. Yes. Perhaps I am more than a little Fucked up."
Oh, shit. This conversation reads like dialogue from a prententious Indie flick where all the characters "prentend" to have problems to fit in... to be modern or too post-modern or existential or whatever. They do this to "pretend" to feel. They are less lonely in their feeling.
These aren't real conversations.
But, then what's real anyway? what's actual? Oh, k. Now we are getting to the root of the issue.
I need to stop thinking. This pseudo-philosophical dialog is kind of making me feel shit-er. ha, I like the word "shit" a lot. Maybe, because my Dad once told me that "shit" is not a feminine word."
He said,
"Pretty little Asian Girls should not be using such words."
I said,
"Why not?" (I wanted to say, "Why the fuck not?")
A:
"Boys don't like girls who sound like Futbol players."
My A:
"What if in a past life I was a Futbol player?"
He said:
"Just do as your told..."
My A:
"Si, papa."
A:
"Oh, don't get cute with me"
I made him Beso. I gave myself a pat on the back. Good, Girl! bravo!
....
So, I am done being crazy.
"When you pour your first cup of coffee of the day, if you're feeling crummy, put a dab of ice cream into it. It's festive. Then you gotta trudge off like everyone else, like I said, but you got the ice cream with you. Forget art. Put your trust in Ice-cream."
Or, this one about meteors:
" Because it was august or because it was time for them to die. The meteors were all suicidal. They were bored with space, he said, looking up toward the night sky. They were burning themselves in the atmosphere. A meteor deathfest. It was romantic, the way the trees were romantic..."
Speaking of ROMANTIC.
I had a conversation about first loves today.
"First loves never die..."
"... because, they evolve."
"I wish they'd evolve quickly."
"I hate my first love"
"That's not the worst thing that can happen to love. It can change into indifference."
"First love's name will always be on the tip of my tongue."
"... I say it when there's no one around. Or, when I examine pour sizes in the magnifying mirror. when I retrace fingerprints, kisses, conversations...."
".... this is when you realize... "
"what?"
"You need to stop pretending?"
"Pretending?"
"That you don't deserve love."
"Is love something you deserve?"
-- BESO--
One for the road... (or in my case the bed, my head is full of these conversations.)
"He made me feel actual."
ACTUAL
def
2 a: existing in act and not merely potentially b: existing in fact or reality <actual and imagined conditions> c: not false or apparent <actual costs>3: existing or occurring at the time : current
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
What's that playing on the radio? A: "every picture tells a story... "
this reminds me of Lolo
and I don't know why.
maybe, it's the colors, the rain drops,
the leaves.
Anne Frank and First love
I've read her diary. I fell in love with it.
(this means so much)
the caption reads:
"A handout picture of Peter Schiff along with a dedication are shown Monday at the Anne Frank House in The Hague. Anne met Peter at school in 1940 and later, while in hiding in Amsterdam, wrote about how much she missed him. Anne died at Bergen-Belsen and Peter at Auschwitz."
Friday, February 22, 2008
REM! RAGE! PHOTOS BY ASPEN MAYS.
Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
The photograph on the dashboard,
taken years ago,
turned around backwards so the windshield shows.
Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse.
Still, it's so much clearer.
I forgot my shirt at the water's edge.
The moon is low tonight.
Nightswimming
deserves a quiet night.
I'm not sure all these people understand.
It's not like years ago,
The fear of getting caught,
of recklessness and water.
They cannot see me naked.
These things, they go away,
replaced by everyday.
the tide is high. Oh! this is reggae!
Today I am all about the positive vibes. I can't get rid of the Marijuana stamp on my right hand from the Xamaca jam-dance fest last night. Oh the universe! Oh I need to stop using such (un)hip lingo.
Xamaca means:
a.The name of Xamaca has given you an appreciation for many beautiful and refined aspects of life--music and art, literature, drama--and the outdoors, where you find much peace and relaxation, but it creates a far too sensitive nature.
b. You rarely experience the tranquility that comes with stability of thinking or emotional control. (OH, this is true of me!)
I am writing about swimming pools again. In my dreams, they are deep, cold and daunting.
I went swimming the other night. (see: REM NightSwimming)
Here's a beginning story(?)
They were there to make laps around the pool. It was 9:30 pm Manila time and they needed a place to (go) disappear. Now, it is 9:35 pm and they have just discovered that people fade (away) in different ways.
Some do it gradually and sink slowly into the water. They make little bubbles when they do this.
They they come up for a breath. They breathe the same way they fade away--slowly and deliberately. Still, others tend to get lost in the water. They do this fearlessly like sperm whales or dolphins who dive effortlessly for fish. They breathe loudly. They explode into the water like gun shots or battering rams. It is almost like the water doesn't see them coming. It is almost as if their bodies--made up of tiny particles w/c are held together by the contrasting differences of light, dark, positive and negative-- they are part of the water. The water is made up of them. They are made up of the water.
There are the others who fade away unwillingly. They act like prisoners to the water like a blaze of fire that was once ferocious and strong but has succumbed to the chemical bonds of those elements-- hydrogen and oxygen. It is almost funny. They think to themselves. (...) how something once life giving like oxygen can cause so much destruction.
This is what happens when the right bonds are made. These complex bonds emit their own form of light, beauty and happiness. They experience their own form of ecstasy.
A list of the faders:
1. the swimmer- S/he knows the basic rules of the water: flotation, buoyancy and movement.
MOVEMENT- The way the water caves into the pressure of th human body, velocity, gravity. It's amazing how many factors go into swimming.
BUOYANCY- In order to swim, you have to float and when submerged you must be able to come up for air. Buoyancy allows for breathing-- the bobbing of the head w/c is kind of like bobbing for apples.
FLOTATION- This is a completely different story. There are methods of flotation: horizontal, vertical, and vertical then horizontal. All methods work the same way. Floating is safe. Diving in is not.
---
The swimmer does her laps around the pool.
1st breast strokes
-30th: 60 back and forth(s) all-in-all
all-in-all
She swims around the pool 3o times. She comes up for air 180 times. She sees things when she comes up for a breath. There are other people making laps around the pool.
Xamaca means:
a.The name of Xamaca has given you an appreciation for many beautiful and refined aspects of life--music and art, literature, drama--and the outdoors, where you find much peace and relaxation, but it creates a far too sensitive nature.
b. You rarely experience the tranquility that comes with stability of thinking or emotional control. (OH, this is true of me!)
I am writing about swimming pools again. In my dreams, they are deep, cold and daunting.
I went swimming the other night. (see: REM NightSwimming)
Here's a beginning story(?)
They were there to make laps around the pool. It was 9:30 pm Manila time and they needed a place to (go) disappear. Now, it is 9:35 pm and they have just discovered that people fade (away) in different ways.
Some do it gradually and sink slowly into the water. They make little bubbles when they do this.
They they come up for a breath. They breathe the same way they fade away--slowly and deliberately. Still, others tend to get lost in the water. They do this fearlessly like sperm whales or dolphins who dive effortlessly for fish. They breathe loudly. They explode into the water like gun shots or battering rams. It is almost like the water doesn't see them coming. It is almost as if their bodies--made up of tiny particles w/c are held together by the contrasting differences of light, dark, positive and negative-- they are part of the water. The water is made up of them. They are made up of the water.
There are the others who fade away unwillingly. They act like prisoners to the water like a blaze of fire that was once ferocious and strong but has succumbed to the chemical bonds of those elements-- hydrogen and oxygen. It is almost funny. They think to themselves. (...) how something once life giving like oxygen can cause so much destruction.
This is what happens when the right bonds are made. These complex bonds emit their own form of light, beauty and happiness. They experience their own form of ecstasy.
A list of the faders:
1. the swimmer- S/he knows the basic rules of the water: flotation, buoyancy and movement.
MOVEMENT- The way the water caves into the pressure of th human body, velocity, gravity. It's amazing how many factors go into swimming.
BUOYANCY- In order to swim, you have to float and when submerged you must be able to come up for air. Buoyancy allows for breathing-- the bobbing of the head w/c is kind of like bobbing for apples.
FLOTATION- This is a completely different story. There are methods of flotation: horizontal, vertical, and vertical then horizontal. All methods work the same way. Floating is safe. Diving in is not.
---
The swimmer does her laps around the pool.
1st breast strokes
-30th: 60 back and forth(s) all-in-all
all-in-all
She swims around the pool 3o times. She comes up for air 180 times. She sees things when she comes up for a breath. There are other people making laps around the pool.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
what I contain
Chris Marker said: "How do we remember if we don't photograph?"
How do we remember? hmm, yes, like this...
Dad with Camera
Mom listening to Records
Sept. 1976
Nothing's gonna change my world
today is filled with lyrics like these.
1. Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe
2.And when I awoke, I was alone, this bird had flown
So I lit a fire, isn't it good, norwegian wood.
3. Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
All alone in space and time.
Theres nothing here but what heres heres mine.
Something borrowed, something blue.
Every me and every you.
4. But she expressed herself in many different ways,
Until she lost control again.
And walked upon the edge of no escape,
And laughed I've lost control.
5. Funny how I find myself in love with you
If I could buy my reasoning I'd pay to lose
One half won't do
I've asked myself
How much do you commit yourself?
It's my life
Don't you forget
It's my life
It never ends
6. When I woke up tonight
I said I'm gonna make somebody love me
I am Gonna make somebody love me
And now I know, now I know, now I know
I know that it's you
You're Lucky, lucky, you're so lucky
Well do ya, do ya, do ya wanna 2x
Wanna go where I never let you before
Here we are at the transmission party
I love your friends
They're all so arty
Oh yeah
Oh yeah...
1. Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe
2.And when I awoke, I was alone, this bird had flown
So I lit a fire, isn't it good, norwegian wood.
3. Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
All alone in space and time.
Theres nothing here but what heres heres mine.
Something borrowed, something blue.
Every me and every you.
4. But she expressed herself in many different ways,
Until she lost control again.
And walked upon the edge of no escape,
And laughed I've lost control.
5. Funny how I find myself in love with you
If I could buy my reasoning I'd pay to lose
One half won't do
I've asked myself
How much do you commit yourself?
It's my life
Don't you forget
It's my life
It never ends
6. When I woke up tonight
I said I'm gonna make somebody love me
I am Gonna make somebody love me
And now I know, now I know, now I know
I know that it's you
You're Lucky, lucky, you're so lucky
Well do ya, do ya, do ya wanna 2x
Wanna go where I never let you before
Here we are at the transmission party
I love your friends
They're all so arty
Oh yeah
Oh yeah...
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
i want you to want me
.jpg)
cheap tricks.
i am not doing what i should be doing. but then when am I ever doing what I should be doing? hmm...
i like walls.
Chewy's a GQ puppy
Chewy Chongson has a secret life.
I discovered his secret today while flipping through an old issue of GQ.
I found him in the pets section.
What a HOT puppy!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
search will continue
To quote, to edit: "I imagine my search will continue--somewhere. A search for something that could very well be shaped like a door. Or maybe something closer to an umbrella, or a doughnut.
Or an elephant. A search that, I hope, will take me where I am likely to find it." H. Murakami
lonely. tiger. love.
---------------------
The tiger meows daily at 10 am and 7pm. They say, he butchered his mate between the hours of 9am- 10 am. They say this happened over a year ago. Apparently, he tore her apart.
translation of the killing (imagination)
He went for her neck first. She left a bitter taste in his mouth--jack fruit, iron, steel.
He killed her to be closer to her. To know what it would feel like to miss her.
Now, he knows. He calls out.
----
Here's a translation of meows:
Now love, you feel my hair between your teeth. Tastes like orange, black licorice I imagine that bites taste different than kisses with my little pieces grinding, mixing between your teeth. The juices that held me together flow apart through your teeth, down your throat and into your mouth. My destruction works like osmosis. The particles move from an area of greater concentration to one of lesser. I am dismantled, disembodied.
10 am. MEOW- It's a deep sound. Where is comes from is a mystery. Perhaps from somewhere deep inside? It was swimming inside before it felt like coming out. I hear it--you. The message is full of missing pieces. This is what it feels like to miss someone. Now, you feel like it's your fault. It's animal instinct--evolution. We evolve to survive.
Translation:
M- memory
e-evolution
o-osmosis
w- when?
why?
who? } wicked
Why you?
well, someone had to do it.
I could have killed you too. At least, we tried to make it. We spelled it out in meows, in licks, in IOU's. You always liked the taste of my skin. You'd say, "I want to get underneath to feel, to understand why you whisper secrets, under your breath, in the middle of the night."
And, "What do you whisper? The secrets of your parts--your lips, what your whiskers feel when they rub up against my paw. Your whispers probably reveal the secrets of atoms, of their attraction and repulsion. You feel the energy. You understand. You should have spelled it out for me. Oh, all of your secrets did not come apart when I held you in my mouth. Even with your body broken apart in pieces the secrets remained silent, waiting."
7pm meow- It's an epic sound like an orchestra playing Mozart to a crowded house of WASPS and socialites. They sip their cocktails. They are not here for the music b/c they are here for each other. Or, more likely, they are here to be seen by each other. "Oh, see all the latest Dolce , PRADA, ESCADA." "OH, hear about how so-and-so did this because she was visiting so-and-so's husband at a ski resort some where in Europe.
"what?" "What about the music?"
M- me without you
E- every thing's changed
O- Once, never
W- We stood up once
Now, You are caged and alone. Then, you remember how she tasted like licorice and oranges.
Or an elephant. A search that, I hope, will take me where I am likely to find it." H. Murakami
lonely. tiger. love.
---------------------
The tiger meows daily at 10 am and 7pm. They say, he butchered his mate between the hours of 9am- 10 am. They say this happened over a year ago. Apparently, he tore her apart.
translation of the killing (imagination)
He went for her neck first. She left a bitter taste in his mouth--jack fruit, iron, steel.
He killed her to be closer to her. To know what it would feel like to miss her.
Now, he knows. He calls out.
----
Here's a translation of meows:
Now love, you feel my hair between your teeth. Tastes like orange, black licorice I imagine that bites taste different than kisses with my little pieces grinding, mixing between your teeth. The juices that held me together flow apart through your teeth, down your throat and into your mouth. My destruction works like osmosis. The particles move from an area of greater concentration to one of lesser. I am dismantled, disembodied.
10 am. MEOW- It's a deep sound. Where is comes from is a mystery. Perhaps from somewhere deep inside? It was swimming inside before it felt like coming out. I hear it--you. The message is full of missing pieces. This is what it feels like to miss someone. Now, you feel like it's your fault. It's animal instinct--evolution. We evolve to survive.
Translation:
M- memory
e-evolution
o-osmosis
w- when?
why?
who? } wicked
Why you?
well, someone had to do it.
I could have killed you too. At least, we tried to make it. We spelled it out in meows, in licks, in IOU's. You always liked the taste of my skin. You'd say, "I want to get underneath to feel, to understand why you whisper secrets, under your breath, in the middle of the night."
And, "What do you whisper? The secrets of your parts--your lips, what your whiskers feel when they rub up against my paw. Your whispers probably reveal the secrets of atoms, of their attraction and repulsion. You feel the energy. You understand. You should have spelled it out for me. Oh, all of your secrets did not come apart when I held you in my mouth. Even with your body broken apart in pieces the secrets remained silent, waiting."
7pm meow- It's an epic sound like an orchestra playing Mozart to a crowded house of WASPS and socialites. They sip their cocktails. They are not here for the music b/c they are here for each other. Or, more likely, they are here to be seen by each other. "Oh, see all the latest Dolce , PRADA, ESCADA." "OH, hear about how so-and-so did this because she was visiting so-and-so's husband at a ski resort some where in Europe.
"what?" "What about the music?"
M- me without you
E- every thing's changed
O- Once, never
W- We stood up once
Now, You are caged and alone. Then, you remember how she tasted like licorice and oranges.
soundtrack to I am walking around the city and I love it?
soundtrack, like this:
1.the teenagers- Selflove, Fuck Nicole, Scarlett Johansson
2. talking heads- once in a lifetime, and (of course) city of dreams
3.wilco- heavy metal drummer
4. wolf parade- you are a runnner and I am my father's son ( and of course) SHINE A LIGHT!
5. the radio dept- pulling our weight
6. air- alone in kyoto
7. calvin harris- colours
8. tapes 'n tapes- omaha
9.chromeo- needy girl
10. !!!- Must Be The Moon
11. nelly furtado- say it right (remix with some french dude?)
12. Zzzz- Assassination Polka
13. Voxtrot- Long Haul
14. Tom Petty- An American Girl
oh lyrics, i Like:
"Where you been?
When we meet we can talk awhile
I can sleep in your dreams" - tapes 'n tapes
I have to tutor. I'll pretend that I love algebra. Here's how I feel: "I got hot head, hot eyes, hot ticks, hot mouth. Each howl, I get bigger"
1.the teenagers- Selflove, Fuck Nicole, Scarlett Johansson
2. talking heads- once in a lifetime, and (of course) city of dreams
3.wilco- heavy metal drummer
4. wolf parade- you are a runnner and I am my father's son ( and of course) SHINE A LIGHT!
5. the radio dept- pulling our weight
6. air- alone in kyoto
7. calvin harris- colours
8. tapes 'n tapes- omaha
9.chromeo- needy girl
10. !!!- Must Be The Moon
11. nelly furtado- say it right (remix with some french dude?)
12. Zzzz- Assassination Polka
13. Voxtrot- Long Haul
14. Tom Petty- An American Girl
oh lyrics, i Like:
"Where you been?
When we meet we can talk awhile
I can sleep in your dreams" - tapes 'n tapes
I have to tutor. I'll pretend that I love algebra. Here's how I feel: "I got hot head, hot eyes, hot ticks, hot mouth. Each howl, I get bigger"
Friday, February 15, 2008
beach, lauren
lauren: this is for you
I am going to the beach for the weekend. There's an 80 % chance of rain. I am so ready to get out of the city.
I am listening to Gloria Estefan. I am not necessarily proud of this. Oh, what a sound machine!
"Its the rhythm of the island, and like the sugar cane so sweet
If you want to do the conga, you've got to listen to the beat"
I am going to the beach for the weekend. There's an 80 % chance of rain. I am so ready to get out of the city.
I am listening to Gloria Estefan. I am not necessarily proud of this. Oh, what a sound machine!
"Its the rhythm of the island, and like the sugar cane so sweet
If you want to do the conga, you've got to listen to the beat"
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
To Edit: locusts, air, friction, velocity, NIRVANA
Buddhist monks play on fields
of green leaves. They grab at
the locusts.
They are searching for Nirvana.
They kick the air filled balls.
They destroy the turf.
They get violent with the soil.
The balls hum as they
cut through the air:
Defense! Offense!
They score goals in prayer.
Goal 1: a tribute to my life as a cat. This was seven lives ago.
Goal 2: tribute to my life as a blade of grass. This was my first life.
The goals continue. They pray.
Their past lives are ghosts on the field. They're in the shadows,
in the glare of the sun,
and the twisted ankle.
They come to them individually like holograms.
a hologram: he was a cockroach
before he was a man
he was indestructible, ancient
the other a cat
w/ lives more than nine
They are thirty
third generation Shaolin.
It is their job to remember Nirvana.
Buddha says, life is suffering.
He kicks the ball till it bleeds.
They remember
what he said, one once a cat, the other a cockroach
He said.
Eternity is found in the goal,
the grass blade,
the rain drop
of green leaves. They grab at
the locusts.
They are searching for Nirvana.
They kick the air filled balls.
They destroy the turf.
They get violent with the soil.
The balls hum as they
cut through the air:
Defense! Offense!
They score goals in prayer.
Goal 1: a tribute to my life as a cat. This was seven lives ago.
Goal 2: tribute to my life as a blade of grass. This was my first life.
The goals continue. They pray.
Their past lives are ghosts on the field. They're in the shadows,
in the glare of the sun,
and the twisted ankle.
They come to them individually like holograms.
a hologram: he was a cockroach
before he was a man
he was indestructible, ancient
the other a cat
w/ lives more than nine
They are thirty
third generation Shaolin.
It is their job to remember Nirvana.
Buddha says, life is suffering.
He kicks the ball till it bleeds.
They remember
what he said, one once a cat, the other a cockroach
He said.
Eternity is found in the goal,
the grass blade,
the rain drop
Sunday, February 10, 2008
i like wolf parade
I keep my head up tight
I know my plans at night
And I don't sleep I don't sleep I don't sleep 'til it's light
Some folks float some are buried alive
There is an awful sound
This haunted town
It will not it will not it will not just be quiet
Some ghosts sink some will get called to the light
I spend boring hours in the office tower
In a bus on a bus back home to you and
That's fine I'm barely alive
It's just a matter of time
No one gets out alive
And I'm content, I'm content, I'm content to be quiet
Some will sink some will get called to the light
You know our hearts beat time out very slowly
You know our hearts beat time they're waiting for something that'll never arrive
You know our hearts beat time out very slowly
You know our hearts beat time they're waiting for something that'll never arrive
I keep my head up tight
I make my plans at night
And I don't sleep I don't sleep I don't sleep 'til it's light
Some folks float and some are buried alive
With our little boots, we built another world
Gonna chain, chain, chain, chain, chain, chain to the light
That's fine our blood is alive
You know our hearts beat time out very slowly
You know our hearts beat time they're waiting for something that'll never arrive
Saturday, February 9, 2008
waiting for the rising sun taking you back home.
He wrote "i waited forever."He wrote it into the sand. Now, he waits for the water to swim towards his feet and evaporate into air.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
what kind of songs do you write?
I like "Before Sunset." It makes me think of Basho.Awake at night--
the sound of the water jar
cracking in the cold.
I am obsessed with little things and specific details like the sound of the water jar as it sings in the cold.
before sunset
I listen. I remember
conversations:
Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them. It's amazing what perverts we've become in the past nine years.
Oh, God, why didn't we exchange phone numbers and stuff? Why didn't we do that? Because we were young and stupid. Do you think we still are? I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.
You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.
now, to edit. If you don't believe in any magic or mystery you're better off dead.
conversations:
Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them. It's amazing what perverts we've become in the past nine years.
Oh, God, why didn't we exchange phone numbers and stuff? Why didn't we do that? Because we were young and stupid. Do you think we still are? I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.
You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.
now, to edit. If you don't believe in any magic or mystery you're better off dead.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
what i do when i am alone and there's nothing else to do
featuring: eternal sunshine, white T.V., my bedroom, on a snowy day, hungover, tired, grumpy, spotless mind, BECK. When I learned, "everyone's gotta learn sometime..." CONVERSATIONS:
I can't remember anything without you. That's sweet, but try. Look, I'm sorry if I came off a little nutso, I'm not really.I wish you'd stayed. I wish I'd stayed, too. NOW I wish I'd stayed. I wish I'd done a lot of things. I wish I'd... I wish I'd stayed... I do.This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.I know.What do we do? Enjoy it.
films, ali smith, quotation
i like ali smith. i'd recommend the accidental but i am too attached to share it at the moment.
this is good/ w/c means that I like it:
"you know a film is a good one when its surface is covered with scratches like heavy rain."
this is the cinema:
"it's a derelict old cinema packed with inflammable filmstock. got a light? see? careful. I'm everything you ever dreamed."
OH! or this about what we contain/ what i contain/ we contain alot/ there's always a risk that well end up feeling empty/ i am not worried/ feeling empty means that we once felt full/filled:
"a typical human being= a cell which divides into two then four etc. It is all a case of multiplication or division."
I am a cell (dividing, multiplying, dying, reproducing, living).
happy sunday
this is good/ w/c means that I like it:
"you know a film is a good one when its surface is covered with scratches like heavy rain."
this is the cinema:
"it's a derelict old cinema packed with inflammable filmstock. got a light? see? careful. I'm everything you ever dreamed."
OH! or this about what we contain/ what i contain/ we contain alot/ there's always a risk that well end up feeling empty/ i am not worried/ feeling empty means that we once felt full/filled:
"a typical human being= a cell which divides into two then four etc. It is all a case of multiplication or division."
I am a cell (dividing, multiplying, dying, reproducing, living).
happy sunday
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